Letting Go
by Mistress Sorcha
Summary: The Apocalpse is averted...Lilith is dead, Satan is safely locked away...Sam and Dean Winchester try to live life in the aftermath and find it's damn hard letting go...


Dean stood outside the frosty window, the bright, multi-colored lights twinkling cheerfully around it's edge...peering through the small, square panes of glass...The delicate flakes of snow drifted down on the sill and on the collar of his old leather jacket, the hard-worn coat one of his few possessions...his few reminders of his father...His eyes watched the scene playing out before him through the glass...Sam sat there, contentedly leaning back on a comfortably stuffed leather sofa, just a touch of gray in his floppy, dark locks. Small wrinkles tugged at the corners of his eyes, a permanent reminder the happiness he'd found. He was sipping from a bottle of beer, a look of contentment, of peace and joy gracing his features. His wife, Sarah, was cradling their 2 year old daughter Grace in one of arms as she handed out presents to everyone...Little Dean, who was not so little anymore being that has was going on 6 now, sat next to his father on the sofa, coloring away in his Batman coloring book. Sam glanced down on his son's handi-work, amazed at the detail his son put into the picture he was working on. A low, soft chuckle sounded in his throat and he smiled deeply and tousled his son's hair...Dean turned and grinned briefly up to his father before turning back and concentrating on his work. Sam draped a proud arm around his shoulder and watched him for a few more moments before looking up to watch Sarah and Grace...Sarah seemed to feel his eyes on her because she looked up and caught his with hers, a warm, deep smile on her lips. Their eyes conveying their deep love of one another without ever having to say a word....

Dean's lips curled gently, his arms loosely hanging at his side...The six pack of beer loosely hung from his finger tips...A small stack of presents was tucked loosely under the other...He watched Sam, his brother. His only family and his heart began to break...He remembered back to 13 years ago...To the night Sam had told him he was leaving...For two years after they had saved the world from the Apocalypse, they had continued fighting evil...He saw the toll it took on his brother...He became almost machine-like, hardly speaking, hardly resting, but still he stayed...Until one night, that night...after a terrible, nearly disastrous hunt from which they had barely escaped with their lives. They sat exhausted, sitting on the edge of their hotel beds in the dim, cheap hotel they had picked for the night...Dean could see there was something on Sam's mind..."Sammy, come on...out with it...I can tell when you got somethin' weighin' on your mind..."

"Dean...I'm done...I can't do this anymore..." Sam said, his voice heavy with weariness...

"Done with what, Sammy..." Dean asked, though in his heart he knew the answer...

"Hunting, Dean...with this life...I'm done with it...tonight was my last hunt..." Sam said, turning his eyes to look in Dean's...

Dean hung his head for a moment, but then, before he even realized what was happening, the terrible hurt inside him made him lash out in anger..."So what....you're just going to give it up? Just like that? What about all the evil still out there? You just gonna ignore it? Let innocent people's lives be destroyed? Let them die?" Dean wanted to stop himself, but somehow he couldn't...

"What about our lives, Dean? Are we just supposed to put them on hold forever? Don't we deserve to have lives of our own? Dean, there is always going to be evil in the world...and we are just two people...I mean...we saved the world from the freakin' Apocalypse!!! We did our job...it's time to step aside and let someone else take up the fight." Sam said, the years of pent up pain from doing what they did finally flowing out...

"So, what...you're just gonna leave? What about me, Sam? What if I'm not ready to stop fighting...I mean...this is the only thing I know I'm good at...the only thing I have...I'm not smart like you Sam...I don't have another option..." Dean's pain was masked with the anger in his voice...

"Dean, I..." Sam began, but Dean cut him off...

"It's fine Sam...you wanna go...go..." Dean said...he turned his back to Sam...

"Dean..." Sam tried to say, but he was cut off again...

"LEAVE!!!!...GO!!!! Get the Hell out of here!!!!!....." Dean screamed...

Sam tried to talk to Dean. He opened his mouth, but no words came. He picked up his bag and stood up. He looked at his brother on last time before he turned and walked out the door...

When he heard the door shut, Dean slid off the bed to the floor, his back against its edge as the pain flooded over him... Sam... Sam was gone, and he was all alone. His tears burned hot as they crept down his cheeks. He hung his head, his arms wrapping around himself...Bitterly, he thought "Everyone leaves me...." as he sat wrapped in his loneliness, his heart aching as the last remnant of family left him behind...

As his mind returned to the present...to seeing his brother's happy face, the love and joy radiating from him, a single tear broke free from his glistening eyes and rolled silently down his face...

He and Sam had tried to reconnect over the years. They had talked infrequently, with Dean attended Sam's wedding, briefly visiting for the births of Sam's children, but the bound had had was never the same...Their lives too different. They found there wasn't much to say too each other any more...

As he stood there watching, his heart heavy...he knew this was the life Sam had always wanted...that he had always wanted but could never have...he knew in that moment that he didn't belong there...that he was a piece of the past, a reminder of all the terrible pain, the heartache, the loss they had suffered...Of all the crazy, dangerous things they had had to do to survive...He knew he was a living, breathing reminder of all the Sam had left behind...

Dean turned and walked away from the window. He quietly set the gifts on the porch, in front of the wreath-enshrouded door...He stepped back, his eyes on the door and whispered... "Goodbye Sam...." as lonely tears that had huddled at his lashes broke free and slowly rolled down his face. He turned and walked down the walk, down the drive way, got into the Impala, and drove away without looking back...

Sam heard a familiar engine receding down the street, puzzled, he got up and went to the door...He opened it and peered outside...He was about to close the door when he looked down and saw the small stack of presents…His eyes found the trail to the window through the snow and he knew Dean had been there...on the outside looking in...He carefully stepped over the presents and strode down walk way to the drive way...Tire treads marked the ground at the edge of the sidewalk and then lead off into the distance where he saw the faintest twinkle of the red tail lights...

Sam hung his head, his sadness threatening to overwhelm him as realized this was Dean's last goodbye...


End file.
